I have a friend. Her name is Heather, and she is an amazing force in my life. Sometimes we get to hang out all the time, and sometimes we are so both too busy to get together: Welcome to the crazy nature of the city! It is a place where we all share in balancing family life, children, work life, meals, coffee-times, rush hours, occasional “me times”, over-scheduling, misplaced cell phones, laundry, way-too-late-late nights and way-too-early mornings. Did we even get real time for a proper meal in there? Did we get time for at least one good meal during this past day? So, when we do get together, Heather and I eat.
We will order something great, or do groceries together, and cook up something wild. In my huge kitchen, cooking and eating is how we nurture each other. We have our own “Guacamole Club”, because I was taught how to make a mean Latino Guacamole, with lots of cilantro, lime & salt! We talk about crushes, life philosophies, rearing youth, spirituality, and many, many silly things (that probably only make sense to us). We rode a cement pig, coated ourselves in stickers to make an impromptu street parade, and danced together to wonderful classic pop rock.
We recently caught the most wonderful Retro Drama act: Roxie Terrain blew us both away! I can be silly with her in ways that I can not be with any other one person. We share deep thoughts with one another, sharing things we would not openly share with many others…a true intimacy; learning about each other, as well as teaching a few nice life-lessons to each other. We talk about our childhood crushes: How Lindsay Wagner ‘woke both of us up’ developmentally; how we discovered beauty is both outside and inside; and most importantly, that we each are beautiful, both inside and out.
Heather makes me feel important, handsome and acceptable. She makes me feel capable and invincible. She teaches me to validate myself, and we validate each other. I get to see something in the reflection of her eyes that reminds me –rightfully– I did follow my still, small voice, to come to the right city, at the right time in my life. I think so much of her; my care for her is teaching me that I am cared about as much as I feel care toward her.
My sexuality is not something she questions, or convinces me that I should reconsider or reframe. Yet, she reminds me to reframe my self-talk in the same ways as if she is talking to me. We recently saw a drag show together, and the performer approached Heather and told her how pretty she is. Now I get to remind Heather that her beauty is officially confirmed, both outside and inside; and to make those words her self-talk too. I am reminded that I can live in the here and now; in a time where World Pride marks normalization of diversity and sexuality; that my much-younger-self ran away from home for the right reasons; that too, I left a solid career in a small city because I still felt alone.
Sometimes I have had few friends, and sometimes I have had many friends; but often, in secret, I still felt lonely. I have had immense careers, and sometimes I did odd-jobs, and I still felt unfulfilled. Now I get to work in a career with a professional company that openly and proactively promotes diversity in the workplace. My friends are forward-thinking; I am happy with my family, and who I choose to be my family. Life can and does get better: I am grateful for this moment; for a friend who feels like my family; be it fictive kinship, or ‘screened in’, or chosen by her. I am known for my Superhero Mythological analogies: I am struck by the recent “The Flash” pilot, where Arrow eludes to ‘maybe this energy found you [The Flash]’…maybe Heather’s wonderfulness found me.
Maybe I asked the Universe for her a long, long time ago; when I felt alone; where I wanted a good, accepting friend; who cared about me for and despite my sexual identity; where I too could be a ‘good friend’; where I hoped I would settle in the city of Toronto, and pursue true happiness and a self-reunion. When I journal, I write about the many “a-ha moments” where Heather and I connect. My written thoughts are like tattoos along this excursion; where I can read and re-read them when times are both good and bad. This year in 2014, Pride means to me deep friendship, and feeling a strong security in knowing we are “getting there” in our community; in knowing marked points where, maybe indeed, we have “arrived”. (by Michael Best-DOSmagazine)
